(Unedited)
God's Plan for Young Women (Part 3)
Sunday, July 04, 2010
Introduction
We are looking at a very practical section in Paul's letter to Titus. Titus 2:1-10. To introduce this section, Paul writes in chapter 2 verse 1: But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. And so as we have been learning, this section is not so much about doctrine as it is about practical counsel. But of course, the apostle never loses sight of the basis for all practical counsel which is doctrine, or in particular, the gospel.
In this practical section Paul tells Titus to declare and exhort with all authority (2:15) the counsel that he writes to different gender and age groups in the churches in Crete: older men, older women, young women, young men, church leaders, and slaves.
Now let's not forget the backdrop of Paul's counsel here which is found in chapter 1. There were false teachers who must be silenced by qualified elders since they were upsetting whole families. As a result of the evil influence of these false teachers, the believers were living a life that was no different from the culture. They were living like any nonChristian Cretans who were liars, evil beasts, and lazy gluttons. They were professing to know God but they were denying Him by their works. And so in light of that Paul wanted these families who were influenced or about to be influenced to know that this is not the lifestyle that matches the gospel and so here in chapter 2, Paul gives some details as to what Christian living according to the gospel is.
As I said because this is a very practical section, and so I will try to be very practical in our studies while we are in this section, Titus 2:1-10. We're looking at Paul's counsel for older women and we've learned that part of their responsibility is to teach younger women certain things and the first among them is to "love their husbands" (2:4).
As we have learned before this phrase "love their husbands" is only one word in Greek and it is one of the several Greek words for love which and it means "to be fond of one's husband or consider him to be a dear friend."[1] Someone described this love this way: "to be affectionate and treat her husband in a loving manner-to cherish and enjoy her husband as a best friend."[2]
If you feel that this is difficult to do because your husband is not lovable or worthy of such love, then remember that your obedience to this command should not be based on your husband's worthiness but on God's will. You should also take note that this command is something that older women are to train the young women to do.
Titus 2:3-4 ESV Older women... are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children,
This implies that "being affectionate and treating the husband in a loving manner-cherishing and enjoying the husband as a best friend" is neither easy nor automatic. It will take deliberate effort and above all, the grace of God.
As I was preparing for this series, I realize that I need to spend more time in this counsel and not move to the following advice of Paul for young women. This is because the command for wives to love their husbands raises many questions. I am sure there are many "what ifs" that need to be addressed. Here are some examples that wives may be asking:
· What if my husband is not a Christian?
· What if my husband is a "passive" Christian?
· What if my husband is a domineering husband?
· What if my husband is a workaholic and has no time for me?
· What if my husband is a violent husband?
Last week, I mentioned two general attitudes that wives should maintain when their husbands are not Christians. However, the two principles I shared with you may also be applied in any of those difficult situations:
· First, instead of fixating on your struggles, focus on your Savior.
· Second, instead of giving your spouse what He deserves, give him what God gave you.
I know that if I am going to be of real help to wives who are married to men who are nonChristians, they will need more advice than just those two general principles. And so today, I would like to give additional practical advice if you wives are in that situation.
Today's Study
But before looking at some practical counsel let me first give to you two Biblical general responses when you are a wife married to an unbeliever. These come from the apostles Paul and Peter.
Apostolic Counsel
Paul's counsel is more negative in nature: "What a wife who is married to an unbelieving man should not do;" while Peter's counsel is more positive in nature: "What a wife should do."
1. According to Paul: What a wife should not do (1Co 7:13-14)
One of the temptations of women married to unbelievers is to abandon the relationship. The Bible however rejects that. Paul counsels in 1 Corinthians 7:13: "If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him."
Here, the apostle counsels the believing wife who is married to an unbeliever not to divorce him if he agrees to live with her. In the next verse Paul explains the advantages of preserving the marriage:
1Co 7:14 - For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
But what exactly does he mean by those statements? To be honest, this passage is not easy to interpret. There are different views but the simple explanation and most commonly presented refers to the sanctifying influence of the godly spouse to the unbelieving husband and children, that may lead one day to their salvation. This interpretation is strengthened by the fact of Paul's later use of the idea of salvation in this regard (1Co 7:16; see also 1Pe 3:1-2).
John MacArthur gives this explanation:
Being unequally yoked can be frustrating, discouraging, and even costly. But it need not be defiling because rather than the believer being corrupted by the unbeliever, the believer can sanctify a home. In this sense sanctify does not refer to salvation; it refers to being set apart for goodness from God. All the blessings and grace of God that accrue to that one believer will spill over and enrich the unsaved spouse and other family members.
In addition, although the believer's faith cannot accomplish salvation for anyone but himself, the power of his or her testimony is often the means by which other family members come to faith in Christ.
Furthermore, God regards the family as a unit. Even if it is divided spiritually, and most of its members are unbelieving and immoral, God graces the entire family through the belier among them. Therefore, if your unbelieving spouse is willing to stay, don't seek a divorce. He or she is better off in a place where God is granting a blessing.
These Bible paraphrases bring out what MacArthur is saying above:
· (NLT) For the Christian wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the Christian husband brings holiness to his marriage. Otherwise, your children would not have a godly influence, but now they are set apart for him.
· (AMP) For the unbelieving husband is set apart (separated, withdrawn from heathen contamination, and affiliated with the Christian people) by union with his consecrated (set-apart) wife, and the unbelieving wife is set apart and separated through union with her consecrated husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean (unblessed heathen, outside the Christian covenant), but as it is they are prepared for God [pure and clean].
And so if I am going to relate what Paul is saying here in 1Co 7:14 to his counsel in Titus 2:4 it would be this way:
Are you a Christian wife who is married to a man who is an unbeliever? How are you to love him? Paul says, if he is willing to maintain the relationship, don't leave him. Be a sanctifying influence to him and be a blessing to him.
Now that was Paul's counsel. Let's now look at Peter's counsel. Peter's counsel has a more positive tone:
2. According to Peter: What a wife should do (1Pe 3:1-6)
1 Peter 3:1-6 ESV Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives-- 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external--the braiding of hair, the wearing of gold, or the putting on of clothing-- 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
Peter here is addressing Christian wives who may have been married to unbelieving husbands. The phrase "some do not obey the word" could refer to unbelievers. 2 Thessalonians 1:8 describes unbelievers as those who do not know God and who do not obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus.
And what does Peter say to wives who are married to unbelievers? Listen to William Barclay's comments on 1Pe 3:1,2:
What, then, is Peter's advice in such a case? We must first note what he does not advise.
He does not advise the wife to leave her husband. In this he takes exactly the same attitude as Paul takes (1Cor 7:13-16). Both Paul and Peter are quite sure that the Christian wife must remain with the heathen husband so long as he does not send her away. Peter does not tell the wife to preach or to argue. ...
He tells her something very simple--nothing else than to be a good wife. It is by the silent preaching of the loveliness of her life that she must break down the barriers of prejudice and hostility, and win her husband for her new Master.
She must be submissive. It is not a spineless submission that is meant but, as someone has finely put it, a "voluntary selflessness." it is the submission which is based on the death of pride and the desire to serve. It is the submission not of fear but of perfect love.
She must be pure. There must be in her life a lovely chastity and fidelity founded on love.
She must be reverent. She must live in the conviction that the whole world is the Temple of God and that all life is lived in the presence of Christ.
Peter adds in v. 3 that wives should be modest. MacArthur has this to say:
In Roman society women were continually preoccupied with their external appearance. They dyed their hair outlandish colors, braided it elaborately, and were fond of expensive jewelry, elegant clothing, and fine cosmetics. Certainly Peter wasn't forbidding women from styling their hair or wearing jewelry and nice clothing; he just didn't want them to be preoccupied with those things. [3]
In verse 4, Peter tells wives what it is that should be their primary focus:
4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.
Practical Counsel
Practical Counsel from the book Surviving a Spiritual Mismatch in Marriage by Lee and Leslie Strobel:
1. Instead of fixating on your problems, focus on your Savior.
2. Make your spouse the number one human being in your life.
· Actively search for ways to serve your husband.
· Don't just hear your husband when he speaks with you but listen to him.
· Allow your husband to feel needed.
· Honor your relationship by building on common ground with him.
· Refrain from comparing him with Christian husbands.
· Love your husband as your partner, not as your project.
3. Harness the support of a spiritual mentor to guide, support, and encourage you.
4. As far as you are able, make your relationship a "Christian" marriage by living out godly principles in your life.
5. Instead of pursuing happiness, allow yourself to relax in God's joy.
6. Instead of giving your spouse what he deserves, give him what God gave you.
7. Beware of falling victim to unrealistic expectations.
8. Keep focused on what you love best about your spouse.
(Write down a "Top Ten" list of qualities you admire most in your partner. Ephesians 4:29 ESV Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.)
9. Learn to disagree without being disagreeable.
Learn the "Stop-Look-Listen" Approach to conflict:
Whenever disagreements would arise take these steps:
· Stop - Stop being defensive and honestly consider whether there was a seed of truth to what your husband is saying.
· Look - Look for mutually acceptable solutions that will not only resolve the immediate issue, but which might deal with this entire category of conflict.
· Listen - Listen to what your husband is saying. James 1:19 ESV Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger. [Don't use hysterical statements or exaggerations. ("This will never work out." You're just like your father.")]
10. When you sense your spouse is pulling away, gently take the initiative to reconnect.
11. Raise your children with Christian values, but be careful not to turn them against your spouse.
12. Regularly ask yourselves the most convicting question of all: "How would I like to be married to me?"
Let me close with these words from Elizabeth George, from her book, A Wife After God's Own Heart, p. 33:
But what if I'm married to a man who is not a Christian? Your job from God is not to change your husband or to save him. Both of these results occur by divine, supernatural work that only God can accomplish in a husband's heart. Your assignment from God is to love, follow, assist, and minister to your non-Christian husband while living in a Christlike manner before his eyes. Also, you cannot expect a husband who is not a Christ to act like a man who is. Remember, too, that God can help you do anything... including love an unbeliever.
[1] Martha Peace, Becoming a Titus 2 Woman
[2] Elizabeth George, A Wife After God's Own Heart (Mandaluyong City, Metro Manila: OMF Literature, 2004), p. 31.
[3] John MacArthur, Different by Design p. 87
